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| Baby, you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart. you've got the sort of face to start this old heart. but your eyes are warning me this early morning that my love is too big for your love.
"when i sing, i feel like when you're first in love. it's more than sex. it's that point two people can get to they call love, when you really touch someone for the first time, but it's gigantic, multiplied by the whole audience. i feel chills." -janis joplin.
since you've gone, i've lost a chip on my shoulder. i feel like i've gotten older. and now that you've gone it feels as if the whole wide world is my stage. it's like i've been let out of my cage.
  
"the soul never thinks without a picture." -aristotle.
you are my sweetest downfall. i loved you first beneath the stars that came fallin on our heads; but they're just old light. your hair was long when we first met.
i knew this was a dream - it was too good to be true. coincidences, were a bit much too; who wants to wake up? who wants to lose it? who wants to live in this place? i don't. so i'll be sleeping in. like vines, we intertwined, carelessly growing up and growing old. life was on our tongues, it tasted heavenly.
there ain't no need for you, go straight to hell, boys.
you say that you're a dreamer, well i'm a dreamer too. but i won't sing your lullaby, however well intentioned. it's neither good nor true, the pallid dream is just a lie. but i am holding out for something real.
"if you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. now put the foundations under them." -henry david thoreau.
  
do you want to go to the seaside? i'm not trying to say that everybody wants to go. i fell in love with the seaside. i handled my charm with time and slight of hand.
you came to me in seamless sleep, slipped right in behind my eye on the back of my mind. we swam a sea of pretty sights and chandelier skies; i swore i could feel you breathe. it was all so real to me. the light had slipped through the window,.. but the morning ripped you away.
hey, remember that time when you od'ed? hey, remember that other time when you od'ed for the second time? well, in the waiting room while waiting for news of you, i hallucinated i could read your mind. and i was on a lot of shit too, but what i saw... man, i tell you, it was freaky.
you should know that you're just a temporary fix. this is not rooted with you, it doesn't mean that much to me. you're just a filler in the space that happened to be free. how dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me!
"what i dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter - a soothing, calming influence on the mind, rather like a good armchair which provides relaxation from physical fatigue." -henri matisse.
why is it that every time i think i've tried my hardest, it turns out it ain't enough? you're still not mentioning love. what am i supposed to do to make you want me properly? i'm taking these chances and getting away, and though i'm trying my hardest, you go back to her. and i think that i know things may never change, i'm still hoping one day i might hear you say i make you feel a way you've never felt before. and i'm all you need, and you never want more. then you'd say all of the right things, without a clue. but you'd save the best for last, like i'm the one for you.
  
the first person in your life to ever really matter is saying the last thing you want to hear. are you listening hard through the splintering shards of your life as it shatters, and you're standing firm, and you're staying close, and you're seeing clear. how sick of me are you by now?
was i wrong to forgive your indiscretions? should i have been more hysterical, less understanding? if you're looking for a villain, go on and assume the role, but don't say that it's my fault that you're not in love with someone.
"i created punk for this day and age. do you see britney walking around wearing ties and singing punk? hell no. that's what i do. i'm like a sid vicious for a new generation." -avril lavigne.
i wouldn't know what to say to a gentle voice. it'd roll right past me. if you chalk it up, you'll see i don't really have a choice, so don't ask me. i'm much better off.
look out on the street, the party's just beginning, the music's playing, a celebration's starting. under the streetlights, the scene is being set. a night for romance, a night you won't forget, so come and join the fun! this ain't no time to be staying home, there's too much going on tonight. it's gonna be a night like you've never known. we're gonna have a good time the whole night long - i know a place where we can dance the whole night away underneath the electric stars.
"when you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it's your world for the moment. i want to give that world to someone else. most people in the city rush around so, they have no time to look at a flower. i want them to see it, whether they want to or not." -georgia o'keeffe.
  
"always recognize that human individuals are ends, and do not use them as means to your end." -immanuel kant.
she looks like the real thing, tastes like the real thing to my fake plastic love. but i can't help the feeling i could blow through the ceiling if i just turn and run. it wears me out, if i could be who you wanted all the time..
"do not pity the dead, harry. pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love. by returning, you may ensure that fewer souls are maimed, fewer families are torn apart. if that seems to you a worthy goal, then we say good-bye for the present."
seasons may change, winter to spring, but i love you until the end of time. come what may, i will love you until my dying day. suddenly the world seems such a perfect place, it moves with such a perfect grace. suddenly, my life doesn't seem such a waste. it all revolves around you. there's no mountain too high, no river too wide. sing out this song, and i'll be there by your side. storm clouds may gather, stars may collide, but i love you until the end of time.
and you can tell everybody that this is your song. it may be quite simple but ...i hope you don't mind that i put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world! i sat on the roog, and i kicked off the moss. some of these verses, well, they got me quite cross. but the sun's been kind while i wrote this song. it's for people like you, that keep it turned on! so excuse me forgetting, but these things i do.. you see, i've forgotten if they're green they're blue. anyway, the thing is, what i really mean.. yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen!
no matter where i go, or whose on my mind, i'll always stumble home and pray i'll find you with your flame-throw eyes and jilted smile so you can soothe my wounds and drain my bile.
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| You say that we're all tied up and wrapped around in useless states of mind- but at the same time, we're still young. we have all the time to realize that we were wrong.
i like what you do to my hair; toss it up, tease it, run your fingers through it. who knew that looking like a mess could feel so good?
spin away the combination for the last time, say goodbye to this year. i wish taht i could avoid the empty summer days that await me. they'll fake a smile goodbye, celebrating their new freedom. i sit alone on the couch, but i'm ready to fly.
"But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright, forever and forever and forever. close your eyes, let your hands and nerve ends drop. stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson you forget, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds long ago and not even at all. it is all one vast awakened thing. i call it the golden eternity. it is perfect. we were never really born, we will never really die. it has nothing to do with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere: self is only an idea, a mortal idea. that which passes into everything is one thing. it's a dream already ended. there's nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about. i know this from staring at mountains months on end. they never show any expression, they are like empty space. do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away? mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because it was never born." -jack kerouac.
"in eternity there is indeed something true and sublime. but all these times and places and occasions are now and here. God Himself culminates in the present moment and will never be more divine in the lapse of ages. time is but a stream i go a-fishin in. i drink at it, but when i drink i see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. its thin current slides away, but eternity remains." -henry david thoreau.
this is not a firedrill. and if we hold any hope, it's harmonic connection and stereos in bioses. these lego-land empires are choking out mine now. you're everywhere, everywhere, multiplying around me. it's a strain on my heart, this rock can't tolerate any more.
watching the stars at night, there's nothing that i'd rather do. the moon is the only light that i can use to look at you. so let's make this memory last, of this night that we've come to claim ours. i promise i'll never forget such a perfect night under the stars. the air is warm with comfort, the air is warm with taste; there's nothing we have to look out for, so let's make the most of this place.
"the secret is to keep adding voices, adding ideas, and moving things around as you put together your life. if you're lucky, putting together your life is a process that will last through every single day you're alive." -ann pachett.
"coincidence is god's way of remaining anonymous." -albert einstein.
give me grace to make it through the night. give me faith so i can see the light. give me strength so i can make it home to you, home to you.
"i don't know of anything prettier, than a scissortail flyin' through the sky!" -the trip to bountiful.
i want to know the things you're thinking, i want to be the place you are. under the city lights, i'm sinking. is anybody out there? i want to know the way you're feeling, i want to hear your deepest thoughts. i'm drowning myself, i'm thinking is anybody out there? i love the way the city turns. i'm yours today, i will be found; i can't stop laughing, i can't stop smiling.
every time i see your smile it makes my heart beat fast, and though it's much too soon to tell, i'm hoping this will last. i just always wanna have you right here by my side. the future is near but never certain, so at least stay here, for just tonight. i must've done something right to deserve you in my life.
perhaps i had a wicked childhood, perhaps i had a miserable youth. but somewhere in my wicked, miserable past, there must have been a moment of truth; for here you are, standing there, loving me.. whether or not you should. so somewhere in my youth or childhood, i must have done something good. nothing comes from nothing- nothing ever could. so somewhere in my youth or childhood, i must have done something good.
i am the captain of an oil tanker that travels through your veins.
i'm a satellite heart, lost in the dark. i'm spun out so far, you stop, i start. but i'll be true to you.
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| Not my favorite update, but oh well..
I could think of a million ways you've proved you're one to one. live inside your shades of gray, and never mind the sunshine that i'll find.
The air on my skin and the world under my toes, slavery stitched into the fabric of my clothes, chaos and commotion wherever i go- but it's Love i try to follow.
I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you. i'm feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town, i'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes, and they all fall down. as i lay me down tonight, i close my eyes - what a beautiful sight. i'm sleeping to dream about you, and i'm so tired of having to live without you.
I'm gonna send a little rain to pour down on you. rain that makes the flowers bloom, rain to leave you all alone, that keeps eyelashes falling and wishes washed away.
In my daydreams, in my sleep, infatuation turning into disease. you could cure me, seeing all you have to do now is please try. give it your best shot and try. all i'm asking for is love, but you never seem to have enough.
In this place the lonely escapade in outer space. there is not antidote for the irony you say that you have when you know that you don't. and you say that you can, when you know that you won't.
Meet me on your best behavior; meet me at your worst. for there will be no stone unturned or bubble left to burst. let me lay beside you darling, let me be your man and let our bodies intertwine.. but always understand that everything, everything ends.
If i was walking through a sad art gallery and you were driving through the night, i'd feel rather alone and ill at ease, beneath the brilliant showroom light. if i was flying on a plane above your town and you were gazing at the sky, somehow i'd feel intact and reassured if you began to wave goodbye.
So why do you leave these stories unfinished, my Cheshire cat doorstop with tears in her eyes? why do you look when you've already found me? what did you find that could leave you walking by? these nights i get high just from breathing. when i lie here with you i'm sure that i am real, like that firework over the freeway. i could stay here all day.
Where are you? i'm so sorry. i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight. i need somebody. and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on, so haunting every time. as i stared, i counted webs from all the spiders catching things and eating their insides, like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason. will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
I can finally see that you're right there beside me. i am not my own, for i have been made new. please don't let me go, i desperately need you.
if you wanted to be my only one, if you wanted to see this happen, maybe you should've tried harder. if you thought i would leap into your arms every time i saw your face, then maybe you should've tried harder.
If tomorrow never comes, i would want just one wish - to kiss your quiet mouth, trace the steps with my fingertips. it's you; the light chances when you're in the room.
Would you just look at her? she's looking at me. she's got me thinking about her constantly. but she doesn't know i feel, and as she carries on without a doubt, i wonder if she's figured out i'm crazy for this girl, right now, face to face. all my fears pushed aside. right now. i'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you.
She's singing to the trees, her audience of ease. the dream she dreams every night alone in the flooded moonlit room. sleep escapes through the cracks in the uneven floor. blind eyes dance across the walls, but no prupose follows.
I might be a pimp, and you might be a hoe, but baby i will love you till i grow old. and i might be a player, and you might be a whore, but baby i won't let go till i'm at death's door.
Down and out is overrated, i need to be elevated. looking up is not enough, i would rather rise above.
When the weekend ends, we'll do it again. keep putting dirty thoughts in my head. funny, cute and kissable - i've found a girl that makes me lose control. every night's like the first night, it's never getting old.
Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty little thing on my mind, about a boy and a girl trying to take on the world one kiss at a time. now the funny thing about it, is that this story is mine. and i wish you could say that it ended just fine.
I've been sleeping with ghosts. i've been watching stars crawling out of the sky. i've been hoping i'm close to the space man movies i call my life. i've been climbing ladders through time. i've got tunnel vision but i'm doing fine. i've been watching stars coming off the wall. maybe if i'm lucky i can catch them before you fall? you are not alone.
I miss those blue eyes, how you'd kiss me at night. i miss the way we sleep - like there's no sunrise. i miss the way we breathe. i never told you what i should have said, i just held it in. and now i miss everything about you. i can't believe that i still want you after all the things we've been through. i miss everything about you.
At Cavanaugh Park
where you used to take me to play in the sand.
You said to me, "Son, one day you'll be a man.
and men can do terrible things."
yes they can.
And there was never any place for someone like me to be
Totally happy.
I'm running out of clock and that ain't a shock,
Some things never do change.
At Cavanaugh Park
We used to get high
watching teams as they fought.
They loved my friend Adam,
but he always got caught
Man, that kid made fucking up look cool.
Aren't we all so cool?
At Cavanaugh Park
Where i used to think that this life would be good
and i would do things that i thought that i should
and no one's going to tear me down.
Some things never do change.
never do change,
never do change,
never do change.
i used to sit all alone in the dark and dream about things
That i cannot say. you always said denstiny would blow me away,
Well,
nothing's gonna blow me away.
the youth of the heart and the dew in the morning; you wake, and they've left you without any warning.
Have you ever had so much to say that your mouth closed up tight struggling to harness the nuclear force coalescing within your words? have you ever had so many thoughts churning inside you that you didn’t dare let them escape in case they blew you wide open? have you ever been so angry that you couldn’t look in the mirror for fear of finding the face of evil glaring back at you? -crank, ellen hopkins.
Nowadays you can go anywhere in the world in a few hours, and nothing is fabulous any more. -roald dahl.
Don't take your time coming home tonight, every second wasted i'm here holding on for dear life. with every breath i take i pray you're fine, i pray that i'm the boy you can't get out of your mind. i never had the courage to tell you this before, but every day away from you just makes me love you more.
I like the way you sound in the morning, we're on the phone and without a warning i realize your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard. i like the way i can't keep my focus, i watch you talk and you didn't notice. i hear the words, but all i can think is that we should be together.
I'm not sure where i belong and nowhere's home. i was in love with the things i tried to make you believe i was, even though i would never be the one to kneel before the dreams i wanted. all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me.
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| I was stained by a role in a day that was not my own. but as you walked into my life, you showed what needed to be shown. and i always knew what was right, i just didn't know that i might peel away and choose to see with such a different sight.
"you think you're in love, but love is something different. you do not just fall in love with a face in the street." -translated from french from the umbrellas of cherbourg.
arvide abernathy: and i never saw until now how much in love with him you are.
sergeant sarah: i'll get over it.
arvide abernathy: why would anyone want to get over the one thing you hope for from the minute you're born and remember until the day you die?
sergeant sarah: i'll get over it.
arvide abernathy: why? because it's the greatest reward that woman or man can have on this earth? to love and be loved.
-guys and dolls.
my lungs are out of air, yours are holding smoke, and it's been like that now for so long. i've seen people try to change, and i know it isn't easy. but nothing worth the time ever really is. but it's not too late - it's never too late - for love.
the world is inside a clear blue sky teeming with humanity. tears and laughter intertwine our comedies and tragedies. and history is a runaway, but not so far that love can't come find us and save us.
the trees grow so thick you can barely see through, but the forest bestows the simplest of truths. you think you'll be happy if granted one more wish, but the truth is you'll never need more than this.
love, what do you say? your mystery winds me up to be playful. here goes my curious center with it. is someone listening? i hope no one is listening.
robert: maybe we should just do what you do. you meet, you have lunch, and you get married.
giselle: oh, you forgot about happily ever after.
robert: forget about happily ever after. it doesn't exist.
-enchanted.
it's the same old shit, so it's how you deal with it. it's the glove that fits that you wear. so when the wind blows strong, i put a few more layers on and i tell myself i don't care. i might make a phone call to a better man to ask the questions i have, like "how did i get started" and "where's it gonna end?" "why should i treat a traitor like a friend?"
 ^(btw, that's me.) love is not a victory march. it's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah. "listen to me. you can't hide from from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out. because maybe you'll become unglued. it's just not a way to live." -something's gotta give.
be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
"find the best in everybody. wait long enough, and people will surprise and impress you. it might even take years, but people will show you their good side. just keep waiting." -randy pausch.
i'll pretend that i'm kissing the lips i am missing and hope that my dreams will come true. and then while i'm away, i'll write home every day, and i'll send all my lovin to you.
i'll help you find your way every moment you're awake. you know i'll stay. even in your dreams, i'll pull the stars down from the heavens to fill your empty skies. i'm yours tonight.
"it was gentle persuasion. sweetest coercion. magnet to metal. it was hands, exploring taboo places. lips and tongue, not far behind. skin to skin, belly to shoulder. it was body rush after body rush, intensity building." -crank.
"lovemaking; wildcats mating, snarls at the joining, satisfied roars signaling completion. i slowed, shifted upwind, crept very near, somehow unafraid. fascinated." -crank.
do you see what i see? why do we live like this? is it because it's true that ignorance is bliss?
"so too, i'd pen the doings of my day in sweet words for my darling for away." -goethe.
amongst the vending machines and year old magazines, in a place where we only say goodbye.. it stung like aviolent wind that our memories depend on. a faulty camera in our minds. and i knew that you were a truth i would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all.
God says to me with kind of a smile, "hey, how would you like to be God awhile - and steer the world?" "okay," says i, "i'll give it a try. where do i set? how much do i get? what time is lunch? when can i quit?" "gimme back that wheel," says God, "i don't think you're quite ready yet." -shel silverstein.
Oh, each day's a number, but we can't forget last summer. when we say, we do, we're on to the end. go on and sing it out. our days are numbered, we know we're not getting any younger, but it's nights like these that make you not really care.
i don't like the way that i've been, so unfeeling and full of sin. trying hard but you can hardly tell, home is where you hang yourself.
i wouldn't know just how sweet this tastes now if at first i did not go through the bitter times. the bitter places. i'll stay alert for new battles but for now, we're here. say you're with me. there's gold ahead, there's golden dreams in life's hills and valleys. will you hold on with me?
woke up to a drive through, i had to hitch a ride to get myself fed. it was late but i know it's never too late to call you. you're a good friend with a bad tendency to get in over your head.
"love, love, you know what love is? love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers." -st. elmo's fire.
we all begin with good intent. our love was raw and young, we believed that we could change ourselves, that the past could be undone. but we carry on our backs the burden. time always reveals in the lonely light of morning, in the wound that would not heal. it's the bitter taste of losing everything that i've held so dear.
i remember stormy weather, the way the sky looks when it's cold. and you were with me, content with walking, so unaware of the world. please don't drive me home tonight, 'cause i don't wanna feel alone.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) - e.e. cummings
just promise me you'll show the world your smile. show them what you've done. open up your eyes. let them shine like the sun. sing another song just so i can hear the voice of an angel who makes me problems disappear.
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| I've discovered the wonders of purple eyeliner -
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